What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
