I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
