So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
