i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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