After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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