The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
