i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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