Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
