You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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