I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
