I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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