Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
