I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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