Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
