Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
