I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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