Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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