Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
