3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
