I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He's on the porch naked. Help.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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