my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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