Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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