Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
