I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
