dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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