imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
