You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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