So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
