ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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