I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
