so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I will pee on everything he values.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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