so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
