Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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