I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
