Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
