Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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