I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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