Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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