do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
