I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
