Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Green mimosas i think yes
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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