And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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