I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
