i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
These tits shall not be calmed
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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