I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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