doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
