I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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