I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
