Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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