Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
