he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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