Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
