i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
