Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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