I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Randomize
